Could you read this book?

It's not as easy as it seems. The book will only open if you approach it with a neutral face. It won't open if you're looking sceptical - or even if you're excited! That's me done for then.

I'm not entirely sure that I can see a use for it except as an idea for a science fiction story. Now that would be something I'd really like to read!

I've levelled up!

I have brand new hearing aids free on the NHS! And they have volume controls! Yay!

As a truly bionic person I have now offically levelled up!*

Apparently not everyone is in love with their hearing aids. I can't understand it - I haven't got good hearing in one ear now, even with them, but it's a bloody sight better than it would be without them. So yay for being a cyborg!

You can see my previous aids here.

*Thanks to Lily-Razz for that phrase.

Life before Google

This is my absolute favourite of the Chuck & Beans comics. Before the internet we had libraries with encyclopedias, newspapers and books and sometimes even helpful librarians but even so finding something out took a lot of effort.

I love technology.

Speed reading

I was reading the Sheldon blog and found a link to this speed reader.

It's a very strange experience using it and I wonder what it does for comprehension. The Sheldon site post says it is no use for comedy. I wonder if it will catch on for wading through slush piles.

Not a blog

You've probably seen this before but it was updated in April: No one belongs here more than you. It's a most unusual website advertising a book. It reminds me of Sylvia's blog, which I read regularly. I love the combination of high and low tech.

It's worth clicking past any apparently blank pages. You know you've reached the end when you are back at the beginning again.

Let me tell you a story...

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The phobia

I haven't got a phobia. Well, not as such. A phobia is "an irrational fear or loathing" and my ... aversion ... is not irrational at all. Anyone in their right mind would feel the same way if they knew what I know.

It all started out so innocently. It was me and my boyfriend and my kid brother, all going off to the park together. It wasn't exactly ideal, I really wanted to be on my own with Jeff, but Mum said I had to take Sam with me. I didn't want to argue because it was my birthday the next week and I wanted to keep in Mum's good books for a special present I had in mind.

Anyway, there we were, Jeff, Sam, me and a picnic on our way to the park. The sun was shining as we walked across the grass and through the trees. It's quite a big park, with a pond in the middle of it. There are boats on the water in the summer and ... other things. No, I'm going to be brave. I'm going to write the words. Or maybe Jeff will add them in for me after I've finished. There were ducks on the water. It was the main reason we'd come to the park. We were going to have a little picnic - just sandwiches and fizzy drinks - and then give any leftovers to the ducks.

We hadn't brought a blanket to sit on, we just found a bit of grass near the pond and plonked ourselves down. I got out the sandwiches and it was then that the trouble started.
"Egg!" Sam said. "Mum knows I don't eat egg!"
"Well, have one of the cheese ones." I held out a cheese sandwich but Sam knocked it out of my hand.
Jeff looked at Sam but he didn't say anything.
I did though. "Now look what you've done. We'll have to give that one to the ducks." I put it on the grass to one side. Then I scrabbled in the carrier bag to see if there were any sandwiches that didn't have egg or cheese in them. I was so focussed on the inside of the bag that I didn't see the ducks that had come over looking for food. One of them got near Sam's foot and he kicked it away.

I looked up then, and saw what he was doing. "Don't do that Sam. It only wants some bread."
"I don't like them."
Jeff and I were looking at Sam and the duck when suddenly a pain shot through my hand and I dropped the carrier bag. A large goose had come up behind me and had grabbed the food bag, and my hand with it. Have you seen the size of those things? It was enormous. Its head must have come up to my chest at least. Jeff waved at it to frighten it off and it attacked with beak and wings. Jeff must have looked scary because it wasn't him that it attacked, it was me! It was all snapping beak and flapping wings and huge webbed ... Oh, it was horrible, I get the shivers even thinking about it.

I turned and fled and ran all the way home, leaving Jeff to bring Sam with him. That goose followed me all the way, I swear it did. I could hear its hissing and the clacking of its beak and the wooshing sound of its feathers as it flapped its huge wings. I've never run so fast in my life. I hammered on the front door and Mum let me in and I threw myself into her arms.
"Whatever's up?" she asked.
I was sobbing as I said, "It's the goose, it's after me,"
"What goose?" Mum asked.
"That one!" I turned and pointed.
But by that time the goose had gone. I don't think Mum really believed me, you know. She wouldn't forgive me, either, for rushing off and leaving Sam like that.

The point is, that geese really are dangerous after all and it isn't a phobia to be wary of them. And of course ducks were involved too, so you can't trust them either. Or any bird, for that matter. Never trust anything with feathers.

It was when I screamed at the first snowfall last winter because it reminded me of feathers falling out of the sky that Mum said I had to go and see a therapist. But now you've heard my story, you can see I'm telling the truth. It isn't really a phobia, is it?

~~~ END ~~~

Well, that was easy. My computer crashed recently and I've got a new hard drive so I needed to install drivers for my webcam. Of course, the disk has vanished but all I had to do was to google for drivers and download them. Then record a quick video and I'd be done.

Except I found that I can't get a decent sound level unless the camera is so close to my mouth that you're examining my nostrils. Not my best feature, in my opinion. So I used the microphone on the webcam to record audio instead. Sadly, Blogger didn't like the audio file format; it will only accept videos.

No worries, I went to Podbean because that likes audio files. It didn't like mine though, so I downloaded a program called Free Mp3WmaOGG Converter - a really catchy title - and converted the file to mp3. By the way, I recommend that free software; it's very easy to use.

Then I just had to work out how to upload to Podbean, which worked on the second attempt, and change browsers so that I could get hold of the code I needed to embed in this post, because Podbean doesn't like Firefox.

Easy peasy. Well, it will be next time, anyway. I wonder if it was really worth it.

Wordle

I found this Wordle gadget through McKoala's blog. It makes a word cloud of any text you input, or of a web page. The image above is of this blog, if you click on it you can see it at the original size.

It's useful for seeing which words you use most. Do I really write "will" and "just" so often? Oh dear.

Writing by hand

I've been reading the excellent handwritten blog Can't Backspace and enjoying it but not imagining that I could ever hand write anything these days. Then in York the last few days I wasn't at my usual comfortable pc and I suddenly felt inspired to write a bit more of the story I'm working on. I had a notepad, I had a pen. We were on a steam train at the time ready to go for a little jaunt and I sat and wrote a few words while my husband hung out the window and took pictures.

It was so hard writing without the backspace key. I kept wanting to change things as I wrote and had to circle paragraphs and put arrows to where they should be. The sample below gives you an idea of what it looked like. The worst part is that it all seemed so clear at the time and now I'm having trouble reading parts of it. Oh dear.


I was chatting to one of the stewards at the Barley House, where they are recreating a medieval house bit by bit. He had quills with him and a horn for ink. He said that when he tells children that the ink was made of honey and soot they say, "What's soot?"

I remember using metal tipped pens that you had to dip in ink. The ink was usually lumpy and ran out after a few words. I can't imagine how I would have written a story, much less a novel, if I had to use those methods. The steward thought that people had better handwriting back in the day but I welcome technology: now however bad your spelling or your hand-eye co-ordination you can still produce writing that gets your ideas across. Surely that is the point?

I also remember when cut and paste involved scissors and glue but for inquiring minds out there: I did not use ink made of soot and honey when I was at school. I'm not that old.