Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Consult The Oracle

The Magic Fortune Teller

You are about to consult the magic oracle. Think hard about your question. Allow the numbers one to seven to swirl around in your head. Which number is calling to you? Settle the number firmly in your mind.

Find the card below that bears your number. This is the future that will befall.

Remember, the cards never lie!

If your number is 1

Your card is: The Night Out

Do not let your dog out during the full moon. Beware shellfish! Do not have sushi tonight.

If your number is 2

Your card is The Naturists

This is a good time for that holiday somewhere warm where you can enjoy sun, sea, sand and other delights beginning with s.

Do not overdo the sangria or you could end up seeing things that are not there.

If your number is 3

Your card is The Fool on the Hill

It's time to make a choice: woo your lover or go mountain climbing. You can not do both at once. Remember, the mountains are no place for family pets. Email me at for a kennel brochure.

If your number is 4

Your card is The Bar Tender

Beware of mixing your drinks. You don't want to end up in a Roman toga, barefoot and falling in the gutter with no idea how you got there. Stick to Cola.

If your number is 5

Your card is The Veterinary Assistant

If your cat needs the dentist, do not try and treat him at home. He may look a sweetie but once you get your hand in his mouth it will be a different matter. Email me at for for details of vets in your area.

If your number is 6

Your card is The Seeker

Watch out for lost contact lenses. Trying to find them in the dark is no joke whatever anyone says. If you do not wear contact lenses, then take care not to lose glasses, watches,  pens or frying pans.

If your number is 7

Your card is The Star.

If you are trying to become a centrefold model you will succeed. Success is also foretold for all projects involving nudity, water, and photography. If your project combines all three then email me at for a brochure.

For entertainment purposes only. The future is not guaranteed.

For a more detailed forecast at a very low fee contact


Richard N said...

Note to the uninitiated:

If you insist on going on a bender wearing a toga when otherwise clad only in the sky, remember your bike-clips if it's a windy day...

Don't ask how I discovered this.

fairyhedgehog said...

Richard, my goodness, you do have fun!

Old Kitty said...


Oh this is too funny! I chose no.7!

Where do I sign the contract and what freebies do I get? Oh and I can't swim but that shouldn't matter should it?


p.s I love your little gerbil/hamster/guinea pig/small rodent creature thing. Awww! Potential hours and hours of fun for me!

Take care

fairyhedgehog said...

Thanks, Kitty. Just email for details!

Oh, and you can get a hamster for your own blog here

iasa said...

That was great! can't decide between the mountain climbig or wooing a lover. are you sure i can't climb my lover?

fairyhedgehog said...

iasa, I think you've found the solution!

writtenwyrdd said...

Very amusing. But I'm thinking somebody had a bit too much time on her hands....

Whirlochre said...

As there's no mountains in the Midlands, it looks like I'm going to have to go wooing.

And I do so love going wooooooooooooooo.

You read those cards like a true pro.

PJD said...

Easily one of my favorite posts, anywhere, ever.

fairyhedgehog said...

ww, I had great fun making this! Oddly enough, the hardest part was getting Blogger to deal with the colours in a reasonable way.

Whirl, I've never been called a pro before. I thank you, kind sir.

Peter, what can I say except "thank you"!

David said...


It worked too - tarot was just a precursor of your discovery!

Kate said...


I chose seven, and love the email address! I feel oddly chilly, though.

The tone in this is just so funny,

fairyhedgehog said...

Hi David, I'm glad you recognise psychic genius when you see it ;) Btw, your blog looks interesting. I hope you start posting to it again soon.

Kate, thank you! There do seem to be rather a lot of nudes in these cards. We need some warmer weather for that to seem an attractive option!

Sarah Laurenson said...

I chose 5. Do I need to be concerned about the amount of blood loss?

fairyhedgehog said...

Sarah, you do indeed, unless you follow the Oracle's advice!

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